The Journey of Becoming Older

I wasnt sure what to title this blog. This morning as I checked my facebook account I saw my cousin had posted to pray for my Aunt Patsy, she has had a heart attack. How does this happen that one day you are young and playing.. then growing up and getting married and then you get to this stage in life. The stage where you see your parents get sick . You see your parents leave this earth and go to Heaven. You see all the older people that have been such a large part of your life... start to pass away.. one by one..

I am so thankful I went to the family reunion this past October. I went back and read what I had wrote about it.

One of the things that stood out to me over and over again while at our festivities were the looks on my aunts and uncles faces. I remember as a kid lots of laughter and fun. I think maybe I got my " funny side" from the Prince family. My moms family is an " easy to smile" family. This trip as I looked around the room I didnt see as much laughter and smiles. My moms brothers and sisters are all in thier 60 -80's now. I saw an older generation looking and remembering and maybe even a look of sadness. Was it a look that seemed to whisper " This may be the last time I am here"? Was it a look that said " Times have changed"? Several times I wanted to ask " what are you thinking about ?" but I didnt want to break their silence and wasn't sure I could handle the answer I got. Sadness...

I know it is inevitable that generations will pass. We expect it. We prepare for it. But it still hurts...

Dads Jacket and Hat

My dad passed away the 18th of December .I havent written about it because I am not ready yet. The hardest part has been seeing my mom deal with his death. FORTY EIGHT and A HALF years they were married. That is a long time. Mom has cancer. We don't know how long she will live. When this happened she cried so hard and said " I can't do this without him." over and over and over.... I just put my arms around her as she sobbed.

My mom is strong.

Very Strong.

Yesterday she broke down and said " It has been two weeks since we buried your dad."

Tonight when I went in his jacket and his hat were not on the rack anymore.

I didnt say anything.

As I see my mom get better each day, I see more and more things of my dads move. I am not sure where they are going. She asked me did I want his Bible.. not yet. I dont want his Bible yet. I dont know that I am ready to hold it in my hands with his name on the front and realize even more , that never again will he read it.

Oh.. I know.. he doesnt have to. He is sitting at the authors feet.

But it still makes me sad.

I am taking the hat and the jacket as a sign. A sign that my mom is healing and that is a good thing.

But .. it still makes me sad.

Good Bye Fred

Today has been an emotional rollercoaster ( of sorts - maybe that was a little dramatic ) for me.

First there was the pomerian that showed up in our house a couple weeks ago.

Then it left.... it was meant to be. Long story.... ( I have copied and pasted this part of the story from my preschool blog )

My dad passed away Friday the 18th. The funeral was Monday the 21st.

On Tuesday the 22nd , Danielle and I are out shopping and Randy says to " Hurry home, he has a surprise for me." I called my mom and she said the same thing. So we hurry home. Geneviette ( the four year old grandbaby ) is at the fence with her arms stretched out as far as they will go yelling " Don't look ! It's a puppy and it's for Christmas!"

Seems the neighbor heard about our plight with the pomeranian and thought we really wanted a dog. Some elderly people around the block had a dog they couldnt take care of and thought we would make a good home. Lydia said " God has blessed you with this dog." I think Randy was so shocked he didnt know what to say... and how do you argue with God ?

So.. meet Fred. Fred is here to stay and fits in our home so well. He is great with

Geneviette which hopefully means he will be great when preschool starts. I have already emailed our environmental rating scale observer about the implications of having a dog in the home with the kids. We will make it work.

I love Fred already.

Today : The end of the story.

I had not been by to thank the elderly couple that gave the dog to us ( through neighbors ) and I was taking Fred to the vet and decided today was the right time. I rang the door bell and no one came. As I got to the truck this little old lady opened the door and sweetly called " FREEEDDDIEEE" . I took Fred to her and quickly realized how much she loved Fred. She invited me in and we talked about how much she misses him. She said every day she has gotten up and ached missing this little dog. ( Understandingly so- cute and precious as he is .) I asked her did she want him back and she cried and said " Yes.. I do" I choked back the tears knowing what I needed to do and said " I will go home and get all his stuff and bring it back to you." She said ' I thought this morning I heard him in the hall way when I woke up, I thought my daughter had brought him home to me. My daughter passed away two years ago today." I am getting really choked up. Having just lost my dad , I know the pain she must be feeliing. I again said " Well, I will go home and get his stuff and you wont be missing him anymore." She said "I dreamed my Debbie had brought him back to me." I said... " Who? What did you say?" She replied " My daughter that passed away two years ago, her name was Debbie." I said ' Do you know what my name is?" She said " no mam" I said , " My name is Debbie and it looks like Debbie has brought your little dog back to you just when you needed it most." At this point my tears are flowing and I hugged her and came home to get his stuff. By the time I made it back to her house, the tears were gone. I took the kennel in with all the accessories we had bought him . including his stylish new red parka for Christmas. I unloaded it all in his spot in her house. I took his dish to the sink and got him water and filled his food bowl. I hugged her again and told her if she ever feels again like she cant take care of him to call. We can help out or take him back.. what ever is needed. I think Fred is an angel. Or maybe my friend Dana was right when she said that my daddy has already charmed an angel and thought I needed Fred for a few days. I think Fred came to me when I needed him most and I think I took him back when his really mommy needed him more.

Who would think on THE day TWO years ago the she lost her daughter DEBBIE, that I would stop by to say thank you....

Somehow I think I havent seen the last of Fred.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

I just finished putting up the Christmas tree after the boxes were on the porch for a full week. I have decided that we are becoming the red neck family that stores stuff on the porch. Have you ever driven by a house and the front of it had boxes, old cars and goats? Did you wonder how they got to that point? Let me tell you... one Christmas box at a time.

Putting up the tree has always been a tradition for Danielle and I the day after Thanksgiving. Since she isn't here, I figured I might as well break them all and I am just now getting around to decorating a little. Another thing we always did was each kid put their own Christmas ornaments on, which in some way symbolized the year. When Addam and Danielle got married I gave them their ornaments for their first Christmas tree away from home. But.. that is another blog for another day. :)

As I put the ornaments on the tree tonight it was like a trip down memory lane.

There was the ornament from Nashville Tenn . I took Randy there for his birthday the year before we got married. Yes, the year before. What a sinner.

Then there is the bride and groom with 2002 on it. We always confuse the year. So glad once a year to confirm it and be sure.

There were several ornaments from old daycare children. Several were from Skyler Ames- such a beautiful girl.. then and now. I even had a few " teacher ornaments" from kids that might should have been retired or broken when they left, just to assure no children like them come along behind.

I have ornaments that hung on my tree as a child. Some my mother had made....some that I just remember.

There are homemade ones that Scott, Randy's son made. He died in a car crash before we were married. I wonder what his life would be like now, if he had lived? I wonder would he have liked me or if I would have been the mean evil step mother...

SHINY! After the kids ornaments were gone the tree was a little bare so of course I bought new ones that are huge and sparkly.

I wonder how much the little Ronald McDonald ornaments are that I got when I was 16 and worked at McDonalds?

There are several from Hawaii and our trips there and one that Addam and Lauren sent to us.

This year I have a few from Geneviette that were bought last year and the first one from preschool she made TODAY! I am SO excited. NO one.. will be getting these ornaments.. until I am dead.

Take notice.

My Christmas tree isnt anything like the ones I saw yesterday on the tour of homes with friends but then again.. they havent lived my life . I would bet a few of them would trade their fancy tree's for all the memories I have on mine.

My Christmas memory tree.

video of mom singing

The Family Reunion

I have hardly slowed down since I came home from the family reunion and there wasn't a lot of time to blog while there but I wish I had taken the time. Blogging when emotions are raw and pure are good for the soul. Well, as long as those emotions are not angry and directed toward someone else . Or before your exhusbands funeral when you are hurt and confused.. not good then either.

One of the things that stood out to me over and over again while at our festivities were the looks on my aunts and uncles faces. I remember as a kid lots of laughter and fun. I think maybe I got my " funny side" from the Prince family. My moms family is an " easy to smile" family. This trip as I looked around the room I didnt see as much laughter and smiles. My moms brothers and sisters are all in thier 60 -80's now. I saw an older generation looking and remembering and maybe even a look of sadness. Was it a look that seemed to whisper " This may be the last time I am here"? Was it a look that said " Times have changed"? Several times I wanted to ask " what are you thinking about ?" but I didnt want to break their silence and wasn't sure I could handle the answer I got. Sadness...

Seeing Geneviette with our family really made my heart smile. I think kids " now days" ( I guess using that term I put myself in a definate age bracket ) do not know their extended families as they should. Sometimes it is important to know where you are from to know the direction you are headed.

Speaking of..

I am so glad I got to see Dale. Dale is my cousin , formally known as Jimmy Dale. :) He is one of the people that has proven that a person can over come what they are dealt in life. He is professional, accomplished, handsome and kind... most of all kind. I was worried about Dale when this reunion was planned. I will just leave it at this - even a family that tends to be close minded can show love and compassion and respect when need be.

The food... My aunts are great cooks and such proud cooks. There was a cake the first day that had a tag on it called " the ugly cake". It might have been ugly but yum-o was it good. The second day I scanned the table looking for my favorite and said " My favorite cake is gone- the ugly cake." My sister in law looked and me and said " Debbie, I think that was the cake that was covered in ants yesterday and Brenda handpicked them out." hmm... I confirmed that it indeed was. Brenda didnt want to hurt Aunt Carolyn's feelings, so she didnt remove it from the table " and got MOST of the ants out." Yep... me.. the ant eater. Thanks for the heads up cousin! :)

The reunion itself was held in the Biscoe Community Building. This old building is where most of my aunt and uncles and my mom went to grade school. Next door to that was the Baptist Church where my mom and dad were married. I felt like I was standing on sacred ground... so full of stories and memories and where my story began.

Another vivid memory I have is of my aunts and uncles ( 9 of them ) standing around the piano singing old gospel songs. Aunt Rosey started playing and then Aunt Gerl joined in and then my mom. As I type this I feel a lump coming up in my throat. I know it was a high point for my mom. As they sang my Uncle WO broke down and cried. They put their arms around him and continued to sing. What a testimony of faith.. and love.

There was other singing. My cousin Little Bill - now we call him Bill. :) did an acapella version of Beaulah Land. You could see Bills love for the Lord as he sang. After his song was over he boldly told anyone that he would love to explain what this song means to him if they would like to hear it. Then.. three of my cousins did " Bobby Sue." Yes, they did.

Sunday the Prince family filled the little Methodist Church in Brassfield. There were flowers at the front in honor of my grandparents. They would have been so proud. Randy and I did special music. I almost broke down as I looked out and my cousin was wiping a tear from her eyes. Why was she crying? Did she too realize this might be the last time we are all together? My mom has cancer- ovarian. Her mom has had breast cancer for 15 years. Times like these are precious. As we left the church we drove past my dad who was walking down the gravel road past my grandparents old house to my aunts. Dad told Randy about having to bury a baby that mom miscarried at the corner of that old house . He said he put it in a coffee can and dug the hole. As he said it tears streamed down his face. So many things, So many... make us who we are today. So many things that we rarely talk about.

Even the prayers were different there. They prayed for the farmers and the land.

Sometimes I think I would love to live there.. where life is slower. Where kids still know what cotton fields are and say yes mam and no mam. Where the neighbors share a garden and put vegetables up for the winter... Where a shoe tree ( a tree with shoes from the grandkids nailed all the way to the top ) is acceptable yard decor. Ok, maybe not that... but I do think it was a better time.

It was good to see everyone and be reminded that families still do cherish the things that are important. Family.

Julie and Julia

Tonight Randy and I went to the late show ( gasp ) to see Julie and Julia with our neighbors. We were running a little late and asked them to save us seats. Turns out the 9:10 show in Siloam is not an attraction. There were 6 of us in the theatre.

The movie was ok. I guess it just wasn't my kind of movie. What is my kind of movie? I love LOVE stories, the kind that make you want to grab your hubby's hand or go home and make a baby. Well, I have yet to see a movie that made me want to make a baby and hopefully at my age there wont be one. :)

This is a synopsis, I took of the apple site:
Meryl Streep is Julia Child and Amy Adams is Julie Powell in writer-director Nora Ephron’s adaptation of two bestselling memoirs: Powell’s Julie & Julia and My Life in France, by Julia Child with Alex Prud’homme. Based on two true stories, Julie & Julia intertwines the lives of two women who, though separated by time and space, are both at loose ends…until they discover that with the right combination of passion, fearlessness and butter, anything is possible.

I too believe that anything is possible with butter but with this new weight watchers thing Randy and I are doing AGAIN, I doubt I will be tasting any for a LONG time....

Anyway, the thing that intrigued me about this movie was the blogging. Julie decided to blog about her experience reading Julia child's cookbook and taking one year to cook everything in it.

I blog.

Incase you didnt know.


This is a therapy of sorts for me. I was just mentioning to someone that last year my blogging had a life of it's own. This year it is almost non existent . Is that because I have become more private? Doubt that. Is it because my life since my SLOW DOWN has become dull and boring? Maybe..

There were so many times in the movie that I was reminded of myself . ( Other than when Julia Child's said.. I love to eat and I am growing right in front of you. ) Like the time that she was about to blog about her and her husbands fight. IF.. Randy and I ever fought I would NEVER do that. Of course, we dont. So it isnt an issue. Just sayin.... Then there was the time that she had a melt down as she typed... like i said, my blog is therapy.

I wanted to look back on some of the OLD post I made and see if they are still relevant today... well, tonight.


July 26, 2008- Sometimes they are heart breaking.


My mom
My heart is in my throat as I type. You know that feeling?

We went by this morning to see mom and dad. Mom was sitting in the living-room in the dark . She wasn't watching TV or reading or anything. Dad had ran to the bank. Mom looked so sad. I immediatly knew she wasn't doing well at all.

Mom said her stomach is hurting so bad. The first thing my mind reels to is that this is how it all started. She had stomach problems and went through doctor after doctor and no one knew what was wrong. Finally Dr Hill ran a test that showed an indicator of Cancer. Cancer....

JUne 23, 2008 - In love...

Randy ends up coming out to pool. It is time to go for supper. He takes ones look at me ( my swimsuit is cut almost the naval – I know gross ) and says wow. He always has a way of making me forget I am fat.


Apri 27, 2008- Girls friends!

As I went out I grabbed a bottle of wine and two glasses. I am SURE she knew I was ready to spew. It is unlike me to drink …. We sat on her front porch and discussed men. Mine. hers. a couple other peoples. Why does life have to be so complicated?

We will laugh.. We will surely cry.. But we will most surely have the best summer of our life. The summer of wine. And oh yeah.. we will blog each time we sit on the porch and whine.. I mean. Wine. Till next time

December 20, 2007 - Political Tell that Curtis guy on Facebook to kiss my playdoh covered hiney! :)
joining the campaign
I have decided to join the campaign. Sitting back on my duff and not doing or saying anything and letting the things that really bug me mount up is not solving the problem. We live in a free country . I can exercise my rights and speak up against the "real problems" of the world. ( Seems I cut off some. It was about twist ties. Don't you just HATE those? ) Today - I want to come out of the closet as a twist tie hater


October 12, 2007- Spiritual
I guess this is just the part that I pray... God please protect my children. I dont know why tonight I seem so sad and over whelmed with missing them but place your hand over thier hearts and lives. Help them make the right decisions and help me accept those....

And... help me stop crying. Black mascara running down the face is NOT attractive on a 41 year old woman.

So, here is my blog in honor of the blog on the movie tonight . I can only hope that mine would be picked up and published . The world can learn a lot from me , right?


So, there ya have it blogger readers. I love it. I used to love to read. Now , I dont have time. But I do have 10 minutes to jot down my thoughts so generations from now my kids will say " oh my goodness, I never knew mom.... ________" ( fill in the blank)