Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Thinking of Mom

Someone wrote me tonight and asked me for the link to moms memorial video that I made for her service.  I found it and of course I had to watch it again.. and cry.

As I watched the video I was reminded how strong a woman my mother was.  Even days that the ground was covered in ice and snow and we were on our way home from another chemo treatment she walked on her own as though she hadnt a care in the world and no burden was too heavy for her.

Sometimes I think about my mom and all the things I want to tell her.

I want to tell her that Danielle is starting over her life and is happy now.
I want to tell her that Addam is engaged to Josie .
I want to tell her how funny Geneviette is and what a joy she is to our life.
I want to tell her that I stopped to see Aunt Gerl and Uncle Ray and that Aunt Gerl looks more like grandma every day.
I want to tell her that Sport is so happy in his new home with us and that Randy spoils him more than dad ever  thought about it.
I want to tell her that Randy is playing BASS at our church now.. a BAPTIST church.
I want to tell her that I read her bible and see her notes in the side  bar and I am reminded of how important she wanted us to know that having a relationship with Jesus Christ is.
I want to tell her that the plum tree I brought from the house on 9th street is growing so tall.
I want to tell her that her grandkids are all doing well now.
I want to tell her that I am happy and content.
I want to tell her how very much I miss her and that I think she was a great mother.

There are some things I want to ask her too.

How old was she when she had to start coloring her hair ?
Why didnt she tell me that having grown children hurts so much more than having young children?
How did  her faith grow so strong ?
How did she keep smiling ?
Did she ever get tired ?
Would she sing with me one more time... I wont walk off the stage...
Why didnt you tell me that growing older had problems , like that whole coughing.. tinkle problem ?

There are so many things... I wish I could say.
I miss mom.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Oh Christmas Tree

As I took down the Christmas tree last night I was reminded what precious memories our tree holds.  We have a tradition each year to add an ornament that signifies something important that happened in our life that year.   The tree also has homemade ornaments that children have made us or that  Geneviette has made.   It used to be covered in ornaments that Addam and Danielle made but when they got married I passed those ornaments on to them to use on their own trees. In retrospect, I wish I would have kept them.  Selfish maybe... but when I put the tree up I miss seeing their tiny handprints or handiwork on the tree.  Last night when I took it down I snapped a few pictures of some of the ornaments .

This first one is one that Danielle and my mom made. There were more and I think Danielle has one for her tree.  Such precious memories. 
 In 2002 Randy and I got married and this was the ornament to signify that !
 This tree is an ornament that Geneviette made when she was three and in our preschool.
 We used to have a lab mix named Sway.  We all loved Sway so much.  This ornament has been broken and I almost threw it away but then I rationalized. Sway was in an accident with a car and lost one of her legs . She ran great for a three legged dog. So.. this broken ornament kinda fits now.
 Randy and I have made two trips to Nashville. He loves it there. I love.. that he loves it there.
 Randy's Aunt Steele does a lot of little hand work and beading. She made this stuffed star for our tree . You cant see the beading but there is a lot . She did a great job !
 My first job was when I was 16 and worked at McDonalds.  This ornament is 30 years old. Wow...
 Randy lost his son in a car accident in the year 2001 . Scott was 21.  We have this little ornament he made hanging on our tree to remember him.
 I have been to Hawaii three times. Once was to visit Addam and G. We went to a children's museum that had a fabulous fairy tale exhibit with Cinderella's carriage.  This was G's ornament that year. Addam also bought a motor cycle and started riding and Randy and I went to Texas .
 I love monkeys.. I especially love monkeys in clothes.  I really love monkeys in clothes on ornaments given to me.  It's she precious  !
 We have lots of teacher type ornaments on the tree that have been given to us.
 Of course there was a guitar to symbolize Randys hobby. This was actually in a shadow box when we got married and I took it out for the tree.
 This is little G's handprint when she was three ... precious huh ?
There are so many more on the tree with stories behind most.  I have added a few blingy ornaments that add color and pizzaz but those tell a story too right ?

Christmas  is a wonderful time around here.  As I take each piece of decoration out I am reminded of when I got it. Why I got it and who was with me.  Christmas brings a special kind of memories.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

2013 is here. The Mayans Were Wrong

If you know me very well you know how ridiculous that whole blog title is.

 I don't worry much about tomorrow. I never have been much of a worrier .

Ive never really  considered myself a woman of strong faith . I mean , when I compare myself to people like my mom, my aunts and ladies from church like Mrs. Pennington  I feel so inadequate and so NOT a vessel ready to serve.  It isn't my heart that feels different , though who knows what is in another persons heart, it is all the wrappings of my heart, of me.  I wear clothes that are not always modest.  I am not meek ( at all ) and most people would probably think I am not humble.  I don't lift my arms in praise in a service but little tear drops escape my eyes when I sing. It is like I am at the throne of God and it is too personal to speak or sing, or lift my arms .. and sometimes even hard to breathe.

 I do have faith, it just looks different than most.  My faith helps me to smile when I am hurting because I know who holds tomorrow.  My faith helps me keep my head up when things go wrong because I know God has a bigger plan for my life.  My faith helps my love others because he loves me - even with all my worldly flaws.  So who am I to judge ? 

A friend posted on facebook that she doesn't do New Years resolutions. She picks a character trait that she needs to work on , a weakness ... and focuses on that for the year.  There is no deadline. You don't have to spend more money on yet another gym . You don't have to radically change your routine. All you have to do is change your thought process and be more intentional about your life and the choices you make as you open your mouth or do something.   She chose non-assuming. She wants to be less assuming about herself and other people.  What a wonderful thing to be.  Much of life's problems happen  when we assume what someone is thinking or what they will do.  Disappointments  usually follow assumptions.

When I started thinking about what character trait I would like to work  on I wanted to arm myself with many choices so I googled ( of course ) character traits.  Some of the traits I found that were interesting to me were not really things I could / or should work on .  They just made me giggle.

Dainty - I would LOVE to become more dainty.
Bossy - Randy says dont worry I already have that one down pat.
Awkward - Well... that sounds fun .
Sarcastic - Who me ?

What I needed to focus on is really very evident. I just cant  put my finger on the word for it. I am not a private person at all.  I need to be more private.  My character trait for 2013 will be unobtrusive.  This doesn't mean that I wont post about school and the awesome things we do.  I hope those post encourage others to go the extra step when they are teaching small children.  What the world doesnt need to see is what I cook. What I think. What I wear. What song I am singing.  I mean, why post that stuff anyway ?  I really never have the intentions of trying to make anyone feel like my life is better than their life or that I am some amazing person.  I am not.

Main Entry:
Part of Speech:adjective
Definition:keeping a low profile
Synonyms:humbleinconspicuouslow-key, low-profile,meekmodestquietreservedrestrained,retiring, self-effacing, soft-pedaled, subdued,tastefulunassumingunnoticeable,unostentatious, unpretentious

What a challenge . This will not be easy for me.