Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Journey of Becoming Older

I wasnt sure what to title this blog. This morning as I checked my facebook account I saw my cousin had posted to pray for my Aunt Patsy, she has had a heart attack. How does this happen that one day you are young and playing.. then growing up and getting married and then you get to this stage in life. The stage where you see your parents get sick . You see your parents leave this earth and go to Heaven. You see all the older people that have been such a large part of your life... start to pass away.. one by one..

I am so thankful I went to the family reunion this past October. I went back and read what I had wrote about it.

One of the things that stood out to me over and over again while at our festivities were the looks on my aunts and uncles faces. I remember as a kid lots of laughter and fun. I think maybe I got my " funny side" from the Prince family. My moms family is an " easy to smile" family. This trip as I looked around the room I didnt see as much laughter and smiles. My moms brothers and sisters are all in thier 60 -80's now. I saw an older generation looking and remembering and maybe even a look of sadness. Was it a look that seemed to whisper " This may be the last time I am here"? Was it a look that said " Times have changed"? Several times I wanted to ask " what are you thinking about ?" but I didnt want to break their silence and wasn't sure I could handle the answer I got. Sadness...

I know it is inevitable that generations will pass. We expect it. We prepare for it. But it still hurts...

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Dads Jacket and Hat

My dad passed away the 18th of December .I havent written about it because I am not ready yet. The hardest part has been seeing my mom deal with his death. FORTY EIGHT and A HALF years they were married. That is a long time. Mom has cancer. We don't know how long she will live. When this happened she cried so hard and said " I can't do this without him." over and over and over.... I just put my arms around her as she sobbed.

My mom is strong.

Very Strong.

Yesterday she broke down and said " It has been two weeks since we buried your dad."

Tonight when I went in his jacket and his hat were not on the rack anymore.

I didnt say anything.

As I see my mom get better each day, I see more and more things of my dads move. I am not sure where they are going. She asked me did I want his Bible.. not yet. I dont want his Bible yet. I dont know that I am ready to hold it in my hands with his name on the front and realize even more , that never again will he read it.

Oh.. I know.. he doesnt have to. He is sitting at the authors feet.

But it still makes me sad.

I am taking the hat and the jacket as a sign. A sign that my mom is healing and that is a good thing.

But .. it still makes me sad.