Thank you Lord for slowing down my life a little so I could enjoy the good things.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
There are a few positive sides to being without power for several days. The first one is that my mom and dad never lost power , so we stayed over there. The second...is that I got to spend a LOT of time with my mom. We talked, watched TV and played dominos. I think they really enjoyed us being there.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
This week my moms tumor markers went up higher than they were when she was diagnosed. She has had to take chemo every day this week and get shots for her bone marrow. I guess getting so much chemo kills whatever is there, and this shot is supposed to help. She looks really good though. On days she looks so good and is up moving around it is easy to just remember her the way she has always been and overlook the fact that we might lose her one day.
When I got up and called her to see what time she wanted me to pick her up to head to her appointment she told me she had an errand to run. She had bought Keith ( my brother) a blazer and wanted to exchange it. " Mom, why did you buy Keith a blazer?" ( He is NOT a blazer wearing type of guy.) Mom's reply was " just in case he needs it for a special occasion." Well, I know my mom well enough to know, she is planning for her funeral. She wants to make sure that is one less thing that my brother has to do and she also - wants him to look nice. I bawled and I bawled.
Why was I so upset?
Mom says I cant sit still. I am so much like her. I mean, here she is planning people's wardrobe for her own funeral when she should just be enjoying life and taking care of herself. There has to be a lesson in that somewhere for me.
Is she really THAT sick? Does she sense something that we don't know? Is she really about to go see the Lord?
When she did this.... I had to face the fact once again, that I might lose my mom and it might be sooner than I think. No matter how good she looks and how much she is getting around she is still very sick. If it wasn't for that darn blazer I could continue to think and say " She is doing SO good " and avoid that possibility that she really isn't.
I wondered how my brother handled all of this. Did he realize what she was doing as he tried it on. I called Pam. She said he came home and cried and cried. He would stop and then start back again. It broke his heart.
I can't imagine.
I am sure mom was right there making sure it fit just right and asking him did it feel ok. All the while- he was choking back tears in his new blazer.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
I could throw a hat on and not comb my hair.
I could mindlessly change channels as I sleep.
I could pass gas in front of family.
I could have the laundry fairy deliver my clothes.
I could have hot meals cooked for me and all the dishes done.
I could scratch like it is common.
I could only answer the phone when I think it is for me.
I could wake up at the crack of dawn to prove I am a man, then cat nap all day.
Oh... I think that is enough.
I hate to take out the garbage and fill the car up with gas.
I guess I will stay a woman.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Ok, I dont believe in reincarnation, but IF I DID- I want to come back as a man. Well, a husband to be exact!
This was my day today:
Get up , get dressed ( make up and all incase you run into friends...)
Go out to Addam's ( a man's ) condo to make sure it is clean before turning in the keys.
Run a few errands.
Got my hair cut.
Visited with mom and dad an hour and a half.
3 loads of laundry
Mid Year expenditure Report
Put about 30 Important deadlines type dates on my calendar
Finish up a grant Report
Do USDA Food Program Forms
Cook a weeks worth of chicken and fish ( new diet )
Make out next weeks menu
Make out Grocery List
Worked on Art Homework
Replied to a couple emails
Facebooked for relaxation.... for 5 minute increments
Went through QRS again to see what I still needed
Logged into Tapp and signed up for First Aid and CPR
Signed up for Arkansas Childrens Week Training
Made my to-do list for tomorrow
Talked to two friends on the phone but it was business talk !
I am TOTALLY SURE I am forgetting something....
At 9:30 I sat down to watch part of the " SisterHood of the Traveling Pants". As it went off, I decided I better get up and do the dishes that had accumulated all day. As I stepped past Randy in the livingroom he said " I love you Honey..."
Well, I bet you do.
Randy's list today:
That was bunch of nothing.... then
Put a safety latch on the shower door for quality so the kids wont drink the shampoo. ( I know, stupid, that is a whole 'nother blog.) It took about 2 minutes.
I would trade my list any day for his....
Oh.. to be the husband.
Stay tuned tomorrow for a few other reasons I want to be the man!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Addam left this morning to go back to Hawaii. I know he was dreading it. As I watched him with Geneviette these last six weeks , I realized what a great daddy he is. He loves her with all his heart and she loves her daddy. I taught her to put her little hands on his face and say " PPLLLLEASSEEEEE daddy, I love you."
It may just be me, but it seems she has grown this month while he was here. It make me really said to think how much she will grow before he sees her again in May.
This morning as he woke her up so we could drive him to the airport I heard him explaining to her again that he was leaving on a plane to go back to his house in Hawaii. She would say " me too, me too ! " I was headed in the room but had to turn and go out as the tears flowed down my face.
Geneviette and I didnt go in the airport with Addam . We said our goodbyes at the curb. As we watched Addam walk through the doors Geneviette was saying " Bye Daddy, I love you." Tears were streaming down my face. Addam didnt look back. I bet he was teary eyed too but from the back all I could see was my son, a wonderful daddy walking away.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
I made it through day two without saying one negative thing to my hubby. I really didnt have to think a lot about it. Today was a good day.
FYI---- I seriously think whoever wrote this book makes the assumption that husband and wife are not together ( and working together) 24 / 7. It really makes me nervous about the rest of the dares. Can I be successful? With a face like this... it shouldnt be hard!
Monday, January 5, 2009
So, I usually have those New Years resolutions that include losing weight , yadda yadda, yadda.
This year is no different. Here is how I am doing so far.
I am a member of Curves. I paid for a full year up front to make sure I dont back out. I used to go faithfully but the last two months has been awful. I decided with the excuses of weddings and the holidays over that I really needed to get back in the groove. To commit to do anything extra like that means that I have to do it VERY early. There is no time as the day goes on. I went to bed last night at 9 pm, knowing I have to hit the floor early. I set the alarm for 5:30. I woke up this morning at 4:00 am! 4..... A ..... M....... When the alarm went off I was wide awake and turned it off. I was a little chilled so I laid there before I threw the warm covers off ... and promptly fell asleep and woke up at 5:55 and had to RUN out of bed, since Cindy was waiting on me. I did go.... a small accomplishment , I guess.
I also have two self help type books I am reading . I started one on January 1.
The book is called Letting Go by Melody Beattie. Todays reading was about accepting help and realizing that I can trust people and that I dont have to do everything by myself. Hm.m... that one will take a while. Sometimes, it is just easier to do it myself.
The other book I am reading is " Love Dare' from the movie Fire Proof. As I read, I thought yes.. I can make a commitment to do this . This will be easy. Randy and I dont have problems, but everyone can use some fine tuning. The first dare is about not making one single negative comment for a day. Oh... about 10 minutes after closing the book Randy said something and I said... " Randy, I wish you could always expect good from people and not bad. I think you over look the good when you ......" I took a breath. In ten short minutes I had failed. FAILURE..... I didnt realize I was being negative but I was.
So, needless to say, I need a take TWO. I need a re- do. I think tomorrow I will work out on time. I will re read Dare one and pretend that I never read it the first time ( that's not cheating is it?) I will NOT eat that left over double chocolate trifle that I made over the weekend. Opps. I didnt mention that before did I?
Maybe I am taking on too much.
Maybe I should just to the diet.
Maybe I should just do the love dare.
Maybe I should just focus on my co-dependency.
Maybe..... all of these are connected.