Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Dads Jacket and Hat

My dad passed away the 18th of December .I havent written about it because I am not ready yet. The hardest part has been seeing my mom deal with his death. FORTY EIGHT and A HALF years they were married. That is a long time. Mom has cancer. We don't know how long she will live. When this happened she cried so hard and said " I can't do this without him." over and over and over.... I just put my arms around her as she sobbed.

My mom is strong.

Very Strong.

Yesterday she broke down and said " It has been two weeks since we buried your dad."

Tonight when I went in his jacket and his hat were not on the rack anymore.

I didnt say anything.

As I see my mom get better each day, I see more and more things of my dads move. I am not sure where they are going. She asked me did I want his Bible.. not yet. I dont want his Bible yet. I dont know that I am ready to hold it in my hands with his name on the front and realize even more , that never again will he read it.

Oh.. I know.. he doesnt have to. He is sitting at the authors feet.

But it still makes me sad.

I am taking the hat and the jacket as a sign. A sign that my mom is healing and that is a good thing.

But .. it still makes me sad.


Brenda Hall said...

Beautifully said my friend.

As you know, I lost my Mother 4 years ago, and today her neighbor emailed me with a few words about Mom. Then she emailed me again, apologizing, for fear it had upset me. I told her, had it happened that first year after her death, I would have sobbed. But now, the healing is happening (even though EVERY day I crave to have her here again!), and I dearly LOVE to hear the stories, and see the reminders of Mother.

This too will come to you Debbie. But allow the tears. It's all part of the healing process. One day you will be able to hold his Bible, smile, and thank God for allowing you to have the best Dad in the whole wide world!

Brook's Babbles In Arizona said...

I think that sometimes, well I guess I know, it makes things better to realize that while we are stuck here without our loved one, they wouldn't choose to come back if they could. I was thinking of Mr. David tonight and the thought crossed my mind that he WOULD come back to be with you and Mrs. Betty if he could. That's the type of amazing man he is. I know that losing my brother in September was the hardest thing ever, and it was just my sibling. I can't imagine losing my parent. I know that you got his strength, his pride, his perseverance. I know that the best things of both your parents, you carry with you. One day you will hold his bible and enjoy having that connection to your daddy again.
Your mom is very strong, and I think as we heal, it's easier NOT to see those things than to see them everyday. That's a good part of the healing process as well.
Love you!