Wednesday, April 7, 2010

I know better

Today, this week ( well, this whole year really, but who's taking score??) has been a little crazy. I am have learned not to blog when I am overwhelmed or emotionally fragile and just down right mad, so.. I should probably sign off now - but I wont. For some reason I feel like SPEWING all over the place and sharing my agitation with others. I know better.

We have been waiting two months on an inspection that determines our funding ( or lack of ) . I know I am good at what I do. I work endlessly in it. When I fill out something that ask for hobbies there are no spots for lamination or lesson planning, but in my case there needs to be. Rarely can I take a mental break from work. I am constantly on the next page of what I need to do. That isnt a bad thing and I am SO thankful that I LOVE my job... but waiting on this inspection is crazy. The sad part is - as ready as we are - the day could fall apart as they sometimes do with 16 preschoolers and all the mental and physical preparation would be in vain. I am not a good " waiter." I am exhausted. I know better.

My mom went to the doctor today. Her count is higher than it has ever been. When I go see her it sucks the life out of my as I watch her fade. I have to start finding the joy in spending the time with her and value the time I do have more than the time I will lose. I know better.

I hired a contractor to come do three odd jobs. He came . He asked to be paid. I asked what he did. He said " We did two jobs today." I paid him. I go look to find out even those two jobs are not complete and now he wont return my phone calls. Almost a THOUSAND DOLLARS. I am TOO TRUSTING. Of course the husband says I should have never paid him the full amount. You know what I say.. I shouldnt be handling this stuff anyway. If I am not doing it right....then PLEASE do it for me. PLEASE ( or shut up .) The end. One of us knows better.

Weight Loss. Slowly but surely it is coming off. I can tell a difference in my clothes. I am not the incredible shrinking man like Randy. He is 7o plus pounds less now. So.. whenever we are together, my 40 plus is unnoticed. waaaa.... I know better.

Birthdays. I am turning 44 tomorrow. Thankfully that isnt my bust size anymore, I guess that is a blessing.... It should be good. I am having one of " those weeks" ( you know... two workshops to do on Saturday and one isnt even WRITTEN YET.) . Randy said he heard Price Cutter has their greeting cards at 40% off ....yeah.. I know better.

My eyes. My eyes have been messed up for over a month now. When I girl is over weight you know what she hears a lot. BuT YOU HAVE SUCH PRETTY EYES... hmph... now what? I know better.

I cant get in touch with my tax person that I have used to four years. I finally went to a new one . He says.. she did it all wrong. Last year I had to pay in over 6,000. If SHE DID IT WRONG.. what WILL this year be.... Sometimes making more money isnt worth it. Ugh.. I knew better.

All in all my life is good. I have heard though that people that suppress feelings of anxiety have heart attacks. If that is true.. I hope those that are around me the most know CPR. I am a walking heart attack.

I need a break.

I need a break.

I need a break.

See.... now you are depressed too.

I knew better.


Dana said...

I'm glad you're writing some on your blog again :-)

Foreversongbird said...

I noticed your weight loss and think you look great and still have pretty eyes.
I did the same thing with my contractor, but I paid over $2500. He did finish most of it. Though all the doors he hung don't close correctly. I wonder if they are the same person.
I, too, am glad you are blogging again. :o)