Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Life of a Rock star, my new book AND my new favorite store.



Since that seems to be the constant in my life right now, I will explore the life of a verging rock star.  Ok, maybe we don’t sing rock but how intriguing would it be to say – the life of a wanna be children’s musician? 


Here  I sit in ANOTHER motel 6.   This room is fancy, it has two beds. So, we have loaded one bed with all our luggage and accessories and the other will be reserved for the bed of love.  Yeah right.   There aint much love that goes on in a Motel 6.  I will explain further and you will understand.  Today we had a concert in Searcy.   After that we decided to drive back into Little Rock and check out the venue ( doesn’t that sounds professional ) of our next gig.  As a side trip we did eat lunch at Randy’s favorite restaurant called “ Jason’s Deli”.  Like the real business manager that I am (and roadie, and maid, and driver and backup singer) I had to make a couple phone calls to confirm later bookings.   The library that we are due in tomorrow said they didn’t have us on their calendar.  WONDERFUL!  I tried to work this out, while the star of the show finished his delicious lunch.  Randy finished eating and I got off the phone .We decided to go over to the library and talk to them and see where the confusion was coming from. I will not lie. I honestly thought.. wow! I might get to go home for a few days.  As lucky , or unlucky as we are, the library was wrong and we are scheduled for tomorrow.  So, off we go to figure out where we will be sleeping for the night.  Yes, you guessed it another Motel 6.  Randy said he wanted to fix me one of his favorite “ on the road” snacks.   Minutes later he said, I don’t have paper plates we have to improvise.  He brings my “supper” to me as I am reading my new book ( more in that later).   It is a Vienna sausage sandwich.  Seriously, he took and sliced Vienna sausages and put it between two pieces of bread.  He also handed me fat free Pringles and said “ You can have more if you like.”  As I laughed at this situation I was taken back as I realizes he improvised a paper plat with TOILET TISSUE.  Am I seriously eating a Vienna sausage sandwich on a pile of toilet paper?  J  Yes, I am.  Welcome to the world of a Rock star.


I started a new book tonight called “ Such a pretty Fat.” By Jan Lancaster.  This lady has seriously written a book about me.  I have never met her but I am sure that she has been secretly watching me and penning my biography.  I have laughed until I am hurting.  This book is basically about a ladies quest to be skinny.  She says it is the “true story of a fat, mean girl on a diet.”  A weight watchers axiom -  Nothing taste as good as being thin feels.”  A Jen Lancaster axiom “ Weight watchers can kiss the fattest park of my ****.”  I feel that way quite often.  She talks about the diet phases she goes through . Remember the Jane Fonda workout? Everyone would get up early and eat dry toast and workout for an hour.  To this day I hate Jane Fonda and leg warmers.   I still like toast – not dry.  One of my favorite quotes from the  book is this one.  She has just knocked over a mans glass of wine as she got up from the table.     I was so embarrassed, I wanted to crawl in a whole and die, but the guy was cool…    but I ‘m bothered that certain body parts are trailing behind me and creating mayhem and wasting perfectly lovely Bordeaux.  And lately, I noticed I am developing a bit of a shelf back there. My inner critic calls it an ass plateau.   Seriously, it’s a fleshly blob that sits right above my crack, like a fanny pack or perhaps my tailbones version of a helmet. When I see you, I’ll let you rest your drink on it.”  Now, that is who I have felt as we have had picture after picture chronical our summer .Why don’t even one of them make me look thin and pretty?   I usually avoid the camera and this time I cant’  To make it worse , may of them are bring plastered across front pages of small town newspapers.  I have to wonder are people looking at it saying “ nice ass plateau lady..”  ugh….  And it isn’t fair.  The star of the show is overweight too… and he still looks so good in all the pictures. WHY? I mean, not that I want him to look good. I would just like to NOT look like a poster child for the little Debbie Company. I try… I really do.  Anyway, this book will be good for me and it is sure to make me laugh.  I think I will read it with a butter-laden croissant in one hand a REAL coke in the other!


Randy and I finally went into a store that I have seen but not ever been in.  I have a new passion.  The CONTAINER STORE!  That place is awesome.  It has every kind of organizing feature you can find.  It has boxes and boxes for boxes.  I was in organizers heaven.  I TRY to be organized.  I am not very good at it at times.   I think I get so excited with the plan that I lose the energy to complete the task.  If I was just independently wealthy I could make all the plans and pay someone  to put it all where I want it.  You know , the say that an organized house keeps your mind organized as well.  If that is the case, I might know why I feel it is perfectly all right for me to be away from home all summer and eating Vienna sausage sandwiches on toilet paper.  


Anonymous said...

I amazes me that you cannot see how beautiful you are. Any real or supposed fat does not touch your beauty. I hope I do not offend you but you are more beautiful than your children. (They are both very beautiful).
You are also very bright and very motivated. You should really beat up on yourself less.
Charlie Muessemeyer

MemoryMaker said...

Aww.. Charlie, Thanks! One day I will get past this hang up. At some point I figure I will be too old to care! You always make me feel that way. I hope you and Alyssa are having a wonderful summer. We are so busy it is crazy! I miss school and my kids!