Home

Today we have one more concert , then we are headed home.  Home....  That means so many things.

It means that I get to see Danielle .   She will be full of excitement about her approaching wedding.   I thought a lot this time  I was gone.  There have been times she felt I wasn't as excited as she wanted me to be.  Is it because I dont know Justin?  Is it because I have had a marriage fail and I dont want that for her? Is it because I know our relationship will change forever?  DING DING DING!   Danielle and I have always been close.   ( Well, there was that little lag her freshman year in college where she traded me for drunk fraternity boys.)   Anyway, Danielle's loyalty and her strength will need to be directed to her new husband.  Can I deal with that?  Of course I can... I think.   I believe in marriage  and I will do anything to help her be successful - including telling her that she needs to talk to her husband about important issues, instead of me.  I will tell her not to tell me things out of emotion that will make me care less for my new son in law. ( We all have bad days right?)  I will tell her to spend time with her new inlaws even when I prefer she be with me.   I will tell her to use his credit cards instead of mine.  ( Now we are getting to the good stuff.)  I will tell her that being married isnt easy, it is work - but I am ready to let go and let her make her life....

I will get to see my mom.  One of the hard parts about being gone this summer is being gone from my mom.  I call each day.    She seems to have more good days lately than bad.  Her count is steadily going down. That is a good sign.   When I called one day this week she told me that a lady from church had passed away . She had cancer too.  I could hear the disappointment in my moms voice.  Almost a " will I be next?" sound.  Mom is ready to die if that time comes. I thought about that this week.  Will I be ready to let her go?  Can I be happy that she lived a good life and is in heaven?  That is a tough one.... I better chew on that one a while longer and just pray.

I will get to work in my flower beds.   I had decided not to do a lot in the yard or the porch this year since I wouldnt be home.   I have the little girl across the street watering .  When we went home last weekend, I couldnt believe in one week what a jungle my yard had become. So, I pulled. I cut. I trimmed.  When we bought our house there was nothing and now it is lush with perineeals .   So... pretty.  

Home....

One day this week we arrived at a library .  It was still an hour before the library opened.  There was a lady sitting outside ruffling through papers over and over again.  She was sitting on the curb.   She had a backpack and looked tired. Not really a sleepy tired - a life tired.  I asked the librarian as we set up our stuff if she was homeless and she said they thought maybe she was . She said every day the lady is there when they open and stays most of the day.

Home.  

I never know what I am going home to. Wedding plans.  Sick mom. Overgrown yard. But I am so glad I have a home to go "home to."