Monday, July 14, 2008

Stupid Wi FI

We have been to this certain Motel 6 so many times now they give us a discount! The lady says " Hey, you're back...."  Yeah.. we are definitely back.  

I am sitting in the parking lot on the grassy knoll ( yes, Motel 6's have grassy knolls!).  This time I am in a room that isn't in the optimal zone for proper internet theft from the nice cozy hotel next door.   I am sitting near the pool. I went out thinking I would sit at a table and relax for a while on the computer but the gate  was locked. So, as desperate as I am to fill my time, I sit down in a lighted area on the curb. I have my diet Rite coke and my phone.   

As I gather my thoughts that are wanting to spill over onto the computer about my day- a female security guard walks up.  She said.. are you ok?  I replied " yes mam, I am just playing on the computer."  She hesitiates. I think to myself. I am totally going to jail for interenet theft. They do that right? I am a little nervoous. I am not a good liar.  If she ask if I am stealing WI FI I will have to say yes.   As I glance back up at her and see her tag it says some weird thing, but thankfully not candlewood suites security.  I , in my most southern hospitality way say- How are you tonight?  She says Good.  Quiet again.  Seriously, if you are gonna bust me for stealing internet, just do it.   I can see it on the front page now.  Up and coming children's musician goes to jail for internet theft.  Wow.. that would effect our gigs.  ( And just for the record I would totally blame it on Randy since he has me staying in this crummy hotel anyway. If I had picked the place to spend the night it WOULD have internet that you don't have to steal and nice comfy pillow , a wake up call that didn't include Tom Bodette and a blow dyer- among other things.)  I said do you patrol out here all night.  The conversation got even meatier:

Guard - lets call her Sally -  Yes
Debbie-  Do you get scared
Sally - points to her gun
( well.. I guess not!)
Debbie-  I would get scared
Sally- I have been a police officer for 36 years . I have only had to use my gun three times . All three times I took ' em down.   
( My eyes are huge- thinking I have a BORING life.)
Debbie-  You killed them?
Sally- No, I shot out thier knee caps , I always go for the knee caps.  They will always remember me with a limp
( well, I guess so.. )
I muttered something about why I was in LR and why I was in the crappy hotel.  ( Although , I am not sure why I felt the need to explain this to her.)
She tells me she usually stays in a chain like a motel 6 but they are much nicer; they have microwaves.  ( Randy brought microwave popcorm for late night snacking but we havent had a room that has a microwave yet!)
Sally- Yeah, I like my job.
Debbie- Am I safe, here - should I go in? ( stupid question)
sally- You will be fine. I will watch you. (She meant that...)
Sally 0 I dont like to hurt people.  But.... ( sally looks around as though someone has snuck up on us)  Let's just say you were sitting here and I came around the corner and someone had you by the neck like this. ( She has her hands around her neck.)  I would have to stop them somehow. And I would try to go for their knees. I look in the direction she had looked.  ( How much am I willing to sacrifice for internet connection?)  

Debbie- Do you see someone , should I leave?
Sally - No, I didn't mean to scare you, I am just giving you a "for instance"
My phone rings - it is Addam.

Debbie - I am sorry, I have to take this , it is my son.
Sally- That is ok, I will be back.

Sally did walk back by 3 more times before I got off the phone .  Looking behind the bushes and all. Was she just trying to scare me? Should I be afraid of HER?  
I decide to gather my belongings and take my naive self back into my crummy motel room.  As I get up Sally is on the third floor watching my every move.  I wave and say Thank you for keeping an eye on me- that I was going to go in.

Sally - Just doing my job.

I am back in my room.   The connection isn't too great but something told me I didn't need to sit in the parking lot of this motel 6.  Intuition?  Sally?

Till next time.

1 comment:

Deanna Davis said...

That is the funniest thing I ever heard - aren't we SO spoiled living in our little sleepy town! Good thing you had Psycho Sally watching your back! Haha - even funnier would have been the front desk saying "but we don't have a security guard...."