Thursday, September 11, 2008

The Mask

Today, I have had on " the mask."  Well, pretty much all week I have had it on. That mask that lets everyone see that I am doing just fine when inside I feel all yucky.  I have been trying to figure out  what is causing this general feeling of BLAH but I can't put my finger on it.

Work is going well.  There are some paperwork things that I need to get a grip  on but other than that, I think we are on cue.  If quality showed up tomorrow I think we would pass.  The kids are all getting used to each other and our routine gets a little more defined each day.  The brightest part of the day is listening to the children's conversations. Amelia announced today that she wants to be a teacher  when she grows up.   When a child says that, I usually start to perk my ears up. I mean, I am pretty much the first teacher they have and if they model a teacher it will be me.  What will she say?   What does she hear me say?  Is she nice to her " kids" as she pretends ?   Then there was this whole situation during circle time that I handled all wrong.  The kids have gotten into a habit when I read a book of laughing after each page.  I mean, uncontrollable crazy laughter that goes on and on.   Every page isn't funny... is it?  So, today we talked about reading books.   I explained that every page is not funny and sometimes we just listen to the words and look at the pictures.  So, I start reading.   Not a sound.   Clara says  " it isn't funny , dont laugh!" in a gruff voice.  Did I sound like that?  Then comes a page that is a little funny and they sit.   Clara says"  Can we laugh?"  Oh my.... what have I done.  YES! L AUGH!  This page is funny.... now after every page someone says - " can we laugh?"  Ok, I take the bad teacher of the week award.  ugh...

Then home.  I love GG my grandbaby so much and I wish for her the fairytale life.  I want her to have a mommy and daddy that love her AND each other.  Is it bad to want that?  Each night when I go to bed, I pray for Addam and that a girl will come into his life that will be amazing for him and for Geneviette.   For the longest I have hoped he and Lauren would get back together but that seems impossible now .   Geneviette is precious.   She deserves a fairytale.

Danielle - the approaching marriage.  Is this guy the one God set aside for her?  Is this the person that will complete her life .  I have all this anxiety.  I wish I could just get peace about this.    Does Justin realize that he is taking part of my heart?  He darn well better take care of it and not hurt her and ....  ugh... again.

Randy.  He has ADD .   He has projects started all over the house. The house is still TWO COLORS. Welcome to red necksville.....  Oh yeah.. Randy has lost 22 pounds.  I can't seem to lose any.  Oh but..I will keep getting up at 5: 20 am walking while he sleeps. 

Ten libraries have called this week to book us for next summer. Then there is that whole Jacksonville wing ding festival.  Why am I not excited?  Is it the thought of living out of a suitcase for 2 more months and sleeping in a Motel 6  that bother me?  Someone spare me.

Randy put a new picture up on the wall today. Six hours later the huge one next to it fell and the glass broke.   Two steps forward... four steps back.

Maybe I just need to go to bed.  Night......

Wait, tomorrow is OVAL day. I need to go get Jelly Beans to sort and count.

Then, I will for sure get to bed early.... right?


4 comments:

Teacher Sheryl said...

I so love your honesty!

adamandkaylasmommy said...

I hope you feel better soon. I know the "mask" very well.

Juliann said...

These first weeks of school can be exhausting with all the changes and the emotional demands of this work we have chosen to do. I hope you have a weekend of rest and quiet to revive your spirit.

Jman's momma said...

Hi - I happened upon your blog today. I am so excited. I have been looking for people blogging about teaching preschoolers. I read through Sept/Aug posts. I love the way you work!!!!!

I work in a church Mom's Day Out Program, 3's on T/TH and 4's on Wed. Last year was my first year and I had a rough time. This year I am having a blast. I have a teacher who works really well with me.

Anyway - I know this post was about how you are feeling exhausted. Sorry to hijack. I pray that you have had a refreshing and replenishing weekend.

Do you mind if I link to your blog and ask you TONS of questions???

Anne from northeast panhandle of Florida.