Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Change my Heart Oh God

Thankfully, I have  a lot to keep me busy tonight. Going to the community building at 12:30      a m setting up actually was nice. I had hoped it would give me some peace or atleast distract me somewhat.. but no.

A couple weeks ago a friend and I were talking  and I said something to her.. about someone that I shouldn't have said.  Well, I am Baptist, so - I asked her what she thought.  I knew when it came out of my mouth that I shouldn't have said anything.  I really do NOT like to gossip. Someone always gets hurt. I think that is why I am so open with my life.  I have been the brunt of gossip before and in my crazy head I think that if I make my life an open book that no one can hurt me.  Anyway - back to my saga.

As fate would have it my friend slipped and repeated what I said TO THAT PERSON.  I can honestly say I wasn't mad. I know she would not do anything purposefully to hurt me.  Now what?  I have to do what is right... I tried to call the object of my  stupid gossip to talk to him and apologize and got no answer. I tried calling several times.  Finally I sent him a message. It was eating me alive. He didnt reply.  Tonight he was online and I spoke to him.  He spoke back.  He told me what I already know.. how hurt he was. He basically did not let me off the hook.  I can honestly say that MOST days I can go to bed with an easy conscience, but not tonight.  I am hurt by my own ignorance and there is nothing I can do to fix it.  He mentioned that he had told his family how hurt he was.  I love his family.  Now, I would assume they think I am a hypocrite as well.   By opening my mouth and saying 6 words I have ruined a relationship with people that I respect.  

I feel awful. 

I had hoped that spilling my guts in here would make me feel better... no.

I talked to Randy... no.

I have asked forgiveness from the friend.

I have asked forgiveness from the Father.

(1 John 1:9 KJV) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

That is a promise from the Bible.   Thankfully it pertains to stupid people, like me too.

Lord, please help control my mouth. I have noticed lately that it is becoming easier and easier to say things I shouldnt . I dont understand why.  I want to be in your will and I do not want to be a stumbling block to your people.  

Change my heart, Oh God, make it ever true

Change my heart, Oh, God, may I be like You

You are the Potter, I am the clay

Mould me and make me, this is what I pray

Change my heart, Oh God, make it ever true

Change my heart, Oh, God, may I be like You

1 comment:

Sun-Kissed Savages said...

Oh, Debbie, I feel for you. We have all slipped up before. We've all answered questions incorrectly or said the wrong thing at the wrong time. And it stinks. And it hurts.

I'm sure your friend knows your true character. He may be hurt, but he knows who you really are and he will forgive you.
I'm sorry for his pain and for yours.