Change my Heart Oh God

Thankfully, I have  a lot to keep me busy tonight. Going to the community building at 12:30      a m setting up actually was nice. I had hoped it would give me some peace or atleast distract me somewhat.. but no.

A couple weeks ago a friend and I were talking  and I said something to her.. about someone that I shouldn't have said.  Well, I am Baptist, so - I asked her what she thought.  I knew when it came out of my mouth that I shouldn't have said anything.  I really do NOT like to gossip. Someone always gets hurt. I think that is why I am so open with my life.  I have been the brunt of gossip before and in my crazy head I think that if I make my life an open book that no one can hurt me.  Anyway - back to my saga.

As fate would have it my friend slipped and repeated what I said TO THAT PERSON.  I can honestly say I wasn't mad. I know she would not do anything purposefully to hurt me.  Now what?  I have to do what is right... I tried to call the object of my  stupid gossip to talk to him and apologize and got no answer. I tried calling several times.  Finally I sent him a message. It was eating me alive. He didnt reply.  Tonight he was online and I spoke to him.  He spoke back.  He told me what I already know.. how hurt he was. He basically did not let me off the hook.  I can honestly say that MOST days I can go to bed with an easy conscience, but not tonight.  I am hurt by my own ignorance and there is nothing I can do to fix it.  He mentioned that he had told his family how hurt he was.  I love his family.  Now, I would assume they think I am a hypocrite as well.   By opening my mouth and saying 6 words I have ruined a relationship with people that I respect.  

I feel awful. 

I had hoped that spilling my guts in here would make me feel better... no.

I talked to Randy... no.

I have asked forgiveness from the friend.

I have asked forgiveness from the Father.

(1 John 1:9 KJV) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

That is a promise from the Bible.   Thankfully it pertains to stupid people, like me too.

Lord, please help control my mouth. I have noticed lately that it is becoming easier and easier to say things I shouldnt . I dont understand why.  I want to be in your will and I do not want to be a stumbling block to your people.  

Change my heart, Oh God, make it ever true

Change my heart, Oh, God, may I be like You

You are the Potter, I am the clay

Mould me and make me, this is what I pray

Change my heart, Oh God, make it ever true

Change my heart, Oh, God, may I be like You