Sunday, August 24, 2008

Singing in Church

I was the " special music" in church today. I am not sure how special I am but I do know that no matter how many times I do it, it doesn't get any easier.  

Before time for me to sing the melodies to all the other songs we have sung are going through my head and I am thinking - do I know my song?

My throat gets dry and I can't seem to get a good breath.

The sanctuary gets VERY Hot... is it  me being scared, is it  the thermostat or am I already getting those " hot flashes"?  

And.. why didnt I go pee before I went in?

Do I have a WHOLE IN MY PANTS?

Why is it so packed this Sunday?  ( I mean, that is a good thing..I guess)

I feel the URGE to raise my hand when I sing - STOP-- HOLD THE TRAIN .

Is my hair big enough  ?   :)

Will people really understand that I am singing for God? I honestly do hear a lot that I sing well. Thanks.  But one thing from my past just replays OVER AND OVER in my head.  When I was about 20 we had a singspiration-  ( anyone can get up and sing.)  A lady that I adore and respect got up to sing .  Her voice isn't trained and not one that you would normally hear as a solo.   She has had many tragedies in her life and you can hear it through her song. After her   it was my turn.  I got through it.   I dont even remember what I sung.   Why ? After I sung the pastor got up and said " I would rather hear someone that isnt' a great singer sing from the heart than someone that sings with an amazing voice PERFORM.".   Hmmm.... Ok.  Was he talking about me?  Just because a person does sing well, does it mean they DONT sing from the heart?  I didnt sing for a long time after that. Was I being a baby? Was I wearing my heart on my sleeve?  No. I really wanted to look at my own heart and why I sing.   

I do sing for Jesus.  Music has a way of touching my heart in the most tender part and not letting go. Before I sing I pray and ask that God to use my song to speak to someone. It might just be one person out of the 400 in the service but even so, it is not a performance it is a message.  From God, through me.. to someone.  

I pray that I can always be a vessel.  I pray that God can use my voice to speak to someone and that I will never be caught performing, only worshipping.

My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you-- I, whom you have redeemed.  Psalm 71:23


4 comments:

AdamandKaylasmommy said...

I am very dissapointed. Kayla and I were sitting in the rocker, watching chan. 4. At 10:40 the real estate ads went off and we saw picture but no sound. After 8 min. of picture/no sound it flipped back to the ads. =(

MemoryMaker said...

Bummer, I dont know what happened. My mom watches it on TV a lot when she doesnt need to be around crowds and her immune system is down and she said it happens a lot. Sorry!

reece&dana said...

Well, I was there and got to hear it, and the song you chose was specifically for me -- from God through you. And, of course, you sang it beautifully and to His glory! The TV thing is so frustrating as there's nothing Reece can do while he is actually on stage leading worship. I'll pass the problem along to him.

MemoryMaker said...

Thanks Dana. Thanks for being my choir buddy and making sure I dont have holes while I worship. I am glad my song spoke to you. It makes me feel special sitting next to THE directors wife- even if he does have wrinkled pants! :)